Catalan Scatology

Scatology is defined by my faithful friend, dictionary.reference.com, as 'the study of or preoccupation with excrement or obscenity', and it seems that there is no finer example of a scatological language than that of Catalunya: everything here seems to be centred on or around arses, piss, and shit.

In fact, one of the very first words I learnt upon arrival was 'pixar' (pronounced pi-shar and has nothing to do with the film company that made Finding Nemo), which means 'to piss'. It's a bizarre thought that you could think of any situation and I can guarantee you there will be a phrase, in Catalan, to bring the tone right down. For example, we British people might say to describe an economically well-off person possibly used to getting their own way as 'born with a silver spoon in their mouth', conveying the impression of shiny silver cutlery that only a member of the aristocracy would have. When I told my Catalan friend this, her face screwed up in disgust and told me it was unnatural to be born with metal in the mouth. Whereas in Catalan, the phrase is 'néixer amb la flor al cul' - literally translated as 'to be born with a flower in the arse'. Evidently, this is so much more organic than a spoon in the mouth.There is a distinct possibility that this goes back to ancient times when only the aristocracy were allowed flowers anywhere within the close proximity of their gluteus maximus. (This may be factually incorrect - there is no evidence to suggest that Hispanic aristocrats shoved daisies up their backsides.)

Another useful phrase, that I have recently been informed one can deploy at any occasion, is once again to do with things situated in one's posterior. For example, if you want to tell someone they have absolutely no taste (in partners, clothes, or in the sense of actual tastebuds) you can admonish them with: 'tens el tast al cul', meaning 'you have your taste in your arse'. Quite charming. I have to say, with this assortment of items concealed up the backside, I'm surprised that there's room for anything else.
A 'cagadubtes' is a person who, literally translated, 'shits doubts'. So, in the fine English language, an indecisive person. One of my favourite phrases is used to express a sense of hurry: let us imagine, for example, a student who is yet again late for a lecture. He jumps out of bed and dashes off 'cagant llets', meaning literally 'shitting milk' - surely a most inconvenient affliction. Suffice to say that if one is expelling uncertainties and lactose products from the rear end, one really ought to hence to a place of medical expertise, where - undoubtedly - a fine medical expert will insert a digit into the rectal passage to ascertain the cause of such problems. I personally would suggest limiting the consumption of milk and anything liable to make one doubt, usually horoscopes or people called Thomas.