Monday 3 December 2012

Roast Dinners: A How To

Step 1: Offer to make roast dinner. Have offer declined and go sit by the fire with the Economist.

Step 2: Feel slightly lazy and guilty so peel and chop carrots and prepare cauliflower. Return to reading.

Step 3: Forget about vegetables but suddenly remember about gin and tonics. Make gin and tonics. Return to reading.

Step 4: Be told, at the point when pork and roast potatoes are ready, that one is responsible for other vegetables and to get a move on. Feel quite irate as this was not part of the deal.

Step 5: Stomp to kitchen, boil water in kettle, pour into pan with carrots. Splash boiling water onto hand.

Step 6: Remain outwardly calm. Inside head, scream loudly and swear furiously. 

Step 7: Attempt to open bottle of wine but leave half a cork in the bottleneck. Try to use corkscrew to get out half-cork. Fail. Think that a thin knife will be perfect. Stab blade into cork using unnecessary force making both cork and knife fall into bottle. Splash wine over cupboards and kettle. Take deep breaths.

Step 8: Recover and just about manage to set everything else out.

Step 9: Attack dinner with knife and fork reinforcements. Win battle.

Step 10: Sod the washing-up. And sod the knife in the bottle.
 
 

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